Yesterday was a good day. Motivation galore. Running and keeping busy and doing things. Today...?
Today is shit. Today I feel like all I want to do is sleep. Or drink. Drinking always brings me up but then dumps me even further down the next day.
What changes my mood so drastically? My diet is the same, poppin' the same prozac every morning, keeping off the drugs...I feel like a fucking see-saw.
I read a little scientific post about the effectiveness of pharmaceutical anti-depressants and the newly discovered cause of (most) depressions. They believe that it may not be a lack of/increase of certain chemicals, but the inability for the cells within the brain to connect. So an uptake-inhibitor isn't necessarily going to make much difference to a lot of people. Which, when reading case studies, makes a lot of sense.
So instead of assuming the pills won't work (which I know they do, to the extent of I no longer feel the need to slice my own skin open) I've gotta be pro-active, right? Research more about this, change more of my diet...find ways to make my damn brain communicate properly!
Pretty sure I'd be freaking lost without my dogs and my man. It's amazing how much patience and love one person can give. Homesick as shit, comes on real strong some days. But I wanted this...travel and experience and getting away from the safety of home. It's changed me so much, in good ways. I'm braver now than I ever have been. And I know I'm pretty fucking lucky. Counting my blessing today, I take too much for granted. I know life is amazing and there is so much to it, I've got to find a way to wake myself up and actually live my life!
I'm gonna start with lots of coffee.
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